The Next Best Thing

She is not laughing at you.

SHE IS! Both of them are! They think you're stupid. 

I am stupid. 

Yes! Yes you are!

The worst battles are the ones you fight with yourself.

Whether my classmates were laughing at me, or not, in the library, I now don't care. I just won't stop being nice; no matter what happens. I've tried too hard to suppress that impertinent aspect of my personality that was a cause of constant worry. It still lies incarcerated, in the most darkest dungeon of my mind I could contain it into. I'll make sure that it stays so.

For I don't want to go down that road of...desolation, again.

I am always at loggerheads with myself, fighting mental wars with my countless personalities. I can't focus on what's important, because of these limiting battles.

It's very unhealthy.

All it takes is a song...

Music is, at times, a salve. When the sound fills my ears, I feel like I have not a single care in the world. It's just beautiful music in my head and myself.

The power of music is amazing.

In class, when we're given the ten-minute breather, I instinctively retrieve my phone and plug my hands-free in my ears. While everyone is busy talking, I am either editing my to-do list on my phone or reading an e-paper, listening to music simultaneously. I hear laughter in the background, when I abruptly turn around, hoping to spot the culprits with their guard down, I don't see them. Maybe it's my imagination? But it isn't always. No matter what I do, people always judge me.

Which is one of the countless driving forces that fuel my urge of listening.

I literally can't do without.

Whether it's a small errand, or the trip from my house to my university, you'll never see me without my hands-free inside my ears. While people are...giving me their once-overs, smiling at the comedy that forms in the deepest, darkest areas of their minds, I'm busy not noticing them. For listening to Wonderland is a much better option than retaliating with every single person with contemptuous glaring of my own.

Any of Selena's tracks, even more.

I once, not too long ago, was listening to Ellie's On My Mind. I was in class, then, and everyone was waiting for our instructor to show up. My jerking was obviously visible; I was rocking out to the song with my head moving to and fro, rather violently. When I realized that I was being a little too noticeable—no kidding—and returned a few of the perplex stares of my classmates, I stopped immediately. They, then, returned to their waiting. When our teacher arrived, I saw my opportunity and giggled with my head underneath the table in front; a good place to hide my teeth-revealing, embarrassing laughter.

I love my classmates. They've been nice to me. Type-bully abandoned its bullying after my "declaration" in PIS (Pakistan and Islamic Studies). We don't wave to each other either, but there's an understanding between us, or so I think, that they won't bother me. But that doesn't mean I have the privilege of slapping their butts—and they, mine—to talk about sports or the joke-of-the-day.

I don't have any privilege.

At times, I feel like my classmates pity me. That their niceness is pittance, and not genuine concern. I ponder over this, of course, when listening to music; watching them with longing eyes while they "live their lives" in the cafeteria or in the hallways. On the stairs. Outside of the campus gate...

My mind jolts some sense into me and reminds me how I've been asked, many, many times, by the nice ones if I would like to join them. This, I also ponder over with music loud in my ears. So, basically, I ponder a lot while listening to music. About how stupid I am. And how stupid all of my actions are.

Point being, all it takes is a song to realize the important. It also takes a song to stop crying, to start laughing...

Isn't music the best thing ever?

I associate songs with memories. Like Miranda Cosgrove's Daydream with the time in which I read The Hunger Games Trilogy. Like Selena Gomez's B.E.A.T for Victoria Aveyard's Red Queen. Like Grande's Focus when we were renovating...

I have an entire diary in my head; for every wonderful event, a wonderful song.

My seventy-five folders full of songs are my comfort. Like any human being, I use my comfort for reasons comforts are used for. I can't help it if people think I'm trying to show-off, for that is SO not why I listen to my favorite songs.

My friends, are the songs I listen to.

And I have so many! What a joyful thought!

We all are different, all of us on this planet. We are supposed to be! And this is how I am different. I write sad poetry—mostly, sad poetry, but not all of it is sad—read books like my life depends on them, write; a LOT, listen to music.

If only people knew that I am not what they think I am. 

This, too, I ponder over when listening to music. Yeah. Stupid, stupid me.

But, in the end, all it takes is a song to start not caring about it.

About any of it.

It's the 14th of February tomorrow and we all know what day this date signifies.

The 14th day of  February. 

What else? Oh, right. Valentine's Day. That, too. That, too.

You're either the type of person who sends chocolates to your valentine or an attractive bouquet, with a card attached to it. Or, you might be one of those creative who think outside the box and succeed in impressing their targets, with extravagant gifts. Whatever the case, you have to know that you're the king of all the idiots on this planet if your target is only your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Why so? Here's why:

According to one legend—this holding more credibility than the rest—there was a priest by the name of Valentine in the third century Rome. When Emperor Claudius II established that unmarried men invariably made stronger and more able soldiers than those who were betrothed to women or already had families of their own, he criminalized marriage for young men. When Valentine came to know of this, he was driven by the Emperor's injustice and began binding young lovers into the bond of marriage, secretly. However, Valentine's secret didn't remain so for long, and he was apprehended, which was followed by his decapitation.  The people whom he had helped into marrying, were outraged. Each year, they mourned over Valentine's unjust death, securing for him immortality through their annual bereavement.

This saint stood up for a much more meaningful cause than just valueless romance between a man and a woman. He stood up for love. He stood up for family. For the love of a mother, for the love of a father. The love between siblings. The love between friends. The love one living soul can harbor for another.

But today, Valentine's Day is seen as nothing but an opportunity to bag a lover. To go on dates for mere amusement or just for fun. It is seen as an opportunity to disobey one's parents, to disobey everything. Just for a romantic evening with a stranger, whom you might have nothing to do with later.

Is this what this day is all about?

I say: NO!

For me, this day is not about romantic trysts and wooing one's lover. It's simply about love. And the idea of love. The love we have for our parents, the love we have for our siblings, our love for our cousins, friends, teachers. This day should be celebrated accordingly.

Our president, however, has declared that this day shouldn't be observed at all; for it has no connection with the teachings of Islam—the romantic part, that is. To add to the list of no-no's, a ban has been implemented on gathering at Clifton. This is to ensure that the people, if visiting the beach for recreational purposes, don't endanger their lives by carrying out the tradition of swimming on all special occasions, this one included.

The governing bodies in almost all of the provinces are 'seeking' a ban on all related activities of this day.

The choice, however, is ours. If you choose to defy our good old man, President Mamnoon, then make sure it's for the right reasons.

Want to express your love for your mom? Your dad? How about a sudden ambush-hug? Or, a greeting card atop their pillows. Their favorite dish might bring that smile on their face that you want to see. Want your sister to know how much you love her? Surprise her. Have a brother that you adore? Surprise him. Don't forget your friends and your teachers, too.

Happiness is all we have. Sometimes, it comes to us directly; sometimes, we have to generate it ourselves. The best part about it is that it stays with us forever in the form of beautiful memories. Make sure that this year on Valentine's Day, you make yourself and everyone around you as happy you can.

Make sure you explore what this day is actually about, that you abide by the do's and the don'ts of Valentines Day and that you spread love and happiness like a viral outbreak.

Happy Valentine's, everyone, in advance!

I am glad I didn't let history repeat itself.