All it takes is a song...

Music is, at times, a salve. When the sound fills my ears, I feel like I have not a single care in the world. It's just beautiful music in my head and myself.

The power of music is amazing.

In class, when we're given the ten-minute breather, I instinctively retrieve my phone and plug my hands-free in my ears. While everyone is busy talking, I am either editing my to-do list on my phone or reading an e-paper, listening to music simultaneously. I hear laughter in the background, when I abruptly turn around, hoping to spot the culprits with their guard down, I don't see them. Maybe it's my imagination? But it isn't always. No matter what I do, people always judge me.

Which is one of the countless driving forces that fuel my urge of listening.

I literally can't do without.

Whether it's a small errand, or the trip from my house to my university, you'll never see me without my hands-free inside my ears. While people are...giving me their once-overs, smiling at the comedy that forms in the deepest, darkest areas of their minds, I'm busy not noticing them. For listening to Wonderland is a much better option than retaliating with every single person with contemptuous glaring of my own.

Any of Selena's tracks, even more.

I once, not too long ago, was listening to Ellie's On My Mind. I was in class, then, and everyone was waiting for our instructor to show up. My jerking was obviously visible; I was rocking out to the song with my head moving to and fro, rather violently. When I realized that I was being a little too noticeable—no kidding—and returned a few of the perplex stares of my classmates, I stopped immediately. They, then, returned to their waiting. When our teacher arrived, I saw my opportunity and giggled with my head underneath the table in front; a good place to hide my teeth-revealing, embarrassing laughter.

I love my classmates. They've been nice to me. Type-bully abandoned its bullying after my "declaration" in PIS (Pakistan and Islamic Studies). We don't wave to each other either, but there's an understanding between us, or so I think, that they won't bother me. But that doesn't mean I have the privilege of slapping their butts—and they, mine—to talk about sports or the joke-of-the-day.

I don't have any privilege.

At times, I feel like my classmates pity me. That their niceness is pittance, and not genuine concern. I ponder over this, of course, when listening to music; watching them with longing eyes while they "live their lives" in the cafeteria or in the hallways. On the stairs. Outside of the campus gate...

My mind jolts some sense into me and reminds me how I've been asked, many, many times, by the nice ones if I would like to join them. This, I also ponder over with music loud in my ears. So, basically, I ponder a lot while listening to music. About how stupid I am. And how stupid all of my actions are.

Point being, all it takes is a song to realize the important. It also takes a song to stop crying, to start laughing...

Isn't music the best thing ever?

I associate songs with memories. Like Miranda Cosgrove's Daydream with the time in which I read The Hunger Games Trilogy. Like Selena Gomez's B.E.A.T for Victoria Aveyard's Red Queen. Like Grande's Focus when we were renovating...

I have an entire diary in my head; for every wonderful event, a wonderful song.

My seventy-five folders full of songs are my comfort. Like any human being, I use my comfort for reasons comforts are used for. I can't help it if people think I'm trying to show-off, for that is SO not why I listen to my favorite songs.

My friends, are the songs I listen to.

And I have so many! What a joyful thought!

We all are different, all of us on this planet. We are supposed to be! And this is how I am different. I write sad poetry—mostly, sad poetry, but not all of it is sad—read books like my life depends on them, write; a LOT, listen to music.

If only people knew that I am not what they think I am. 

This, too, I ponder over when listening to music. Yeah. Stupid, stupid me.

But, in the end, all it takes is a song to start not caring about it.

About any of it.