When you realize that you have no allies, you feel your heart disintegrating into a thousand tiny pieces. They fall to the ground, one after the other. You don't have it in you to stare below at them. At how they're lying, like ornaments; decorating your feet. You don't have it in you to pick them up; you don't have it in you to put them back together; you don't have it in you.

The truth is always hard to swallow. 

The toll recent events have had on me has rendered me...lost. I have been made devoid of all of my perseverance. I've run out of everything that has been keeping me going. This abrupt, unexpected stop was a blow to the head. A hard one. Not only to the head, but to life, itself. 

I've lost all control. My decisions are being made for me. I feel like I am a pawn on a board of chess; being placed wherever wished.

To add to this entire conundrum, I have the rumors to cope with, too. Which are still being spread like wildfire. 

I thought I had everyone befriended at campus. I was gravely mistaken. From the corner of my eyes, I see the people I think are my friends, snickering at me. 

I hate them all.

I wonder, at times, what I did to deserve all this.

I can't give up now. 

I won't ever.