Everything seemed like a fairy tale on that night.

Now...

I am trapped again in the maze that kept me from setting myself free.

Thanks to our career counselor, I've been entertaining the option of abandoning my major a whole damn lot. What part of career-counseling and motivation doesn't he get? It's always him and his pessimism in his lectures. His banter about how we think we can but we can't defeats the entire purpose of him impelling us to get to the end. Without stopping in the middle.

I wonder why he was hired in the first place.

His poison has spread wide inside my head; debilitating me of my resolve. I am confused, carrying on with ill-thought-out plans—which end up being discarded. I make new plans, then let go of them, then repeat this cycle, going around in circles.

This has to stop.

Loud music in my ears can't always be my escape. I'd like to see him squirm with frustration and worry for once. Things like these don't happen to people like him: rich, authoritative, and intimidating.

I found Wonderland, for a short while. The jubilation that I had gone through after my victory is now long dead. I'm in horror-land now.

And I can't wake up from this never-ending nightmare. It's like it's been put on repeat, resuming its atrocities all from the beginning every time it ends.

Have I begun to self-destruct? Or did he set me on self-destruct mode? What he says undoubtedly has immediate effect on me—on all of my classmates. Someone other than ourselves shouldn't have access to this much of power over us. It isn't healthy.

It's too late for this wisdom now, for the seeds have been sown. My inactivity is like water, wind and soil to these seeds. I'm helping them grow. This plant is suffocating me, growing and growing. Spreading. The day when it will ascend through my throat, protruding from my mouth, tearing me into a thousand pieces inside-out, will be the day it kills me. It will be the day I die.

Can I find Wonderland again? Or will his craftsmanship really be my end?

There is work to be done. A semester to survive. My revelation of jumping ship to happen. My dreams to be accomplished. Too much to be done. If I devote all of my attention to a single problem, how can I hope to solve the others, how can I achieve everything else on my list of things-to-achieve? I know, it's a stupid name. But the contents mean a lot to me.

More later.